I'm a ball of nerves

Soo, it's been a few days... I'll try to recap.

One day last week, I don't remember which one, I was bringin it, ready to put my new treadmill to good use. The babe was down for his nap, the boys were with me, watching a movie. I'm feelin it, upping my speed... I hear the boys goofing off, sliding their feet off the back of the treadmill. I warn them, tell them they're going to get really hurt if they don't stop. Not listening, they continue. In no time, Aiden steps on, the speed of the treadmill throws him down and pins him between the back of the machine and the chair, while it eats at his arm. I rip the key out, jump off of the treadmill, pick him up and take off running for the bathroom. The damage?

His arm broke open yesterday and started bleeding off and on all afternoon... today it it hot to the touch. He had an ointment called in so we're using that, but I wonder if it's infected?

THEN, Saturday finally rolls around.

I ate super duper clean all week long. Against my better judgement, I get out the scale and weigh myself. [Hey, one day is better than EVERY day, right?? YES IT IS!] Well, to my surprise, I am 3 pounds lighter!! Haaaaaappy, feeling confident, I make the fam their breakfast, then myself a broccolli and feta cheese omlette... yummm! Peyton is covered in syrup so my husband puts him in the shower so I can eat. I hear him start to cry so I go to him and my husband gets him a towel. "Let's get him out before he passes out in here" We pick him up and the next thing I know I am on the phone with 911!

My baby was having a Grand Mal Seizure before my very eyes; shaking uncontrollably, both eyes completely rolled back into his little baby head, making a strange clicking sound with his mouth... the whole 9 yards.

In minutes, the paramedics came and we were on our way to our local Hospital. We spent a few hours there before they ship us off to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh. We spend the rest of the day there for them to treat us like crap and send us home.

We make the drive home with him, who earlier was completely lifeless. We put him to bed and I break down... and I mean reallllly break down. My husband tells me later that he thought Peyton had died... so did I.

I have never been so scared in my entire life.

For the past few days it's been Dr. appointments, calls to and from Doctors, "Let's try this and this... then this" and today I get a call from our pediatritian. I saw the ID on my phone and felt a glimmer of hope, only after that call, I was left back where I was. The original plan was to go elsewhere. If our Hospitals weren't going to treat Peyton, I'd refuse to go back and we would take him to Geisinger Hospital. During the conversation with our Dr. I learned that Geisinger refuses to see Peyton because Children's in Pittsburgh isn't refusing to see him. BUT I AM! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!!! [Total tatrum right there!]

I guess now we'll be getting an event monitor which will monitor an episode, start to finish and 2 minutes prior. If his heart stops for any amount of time it will show up as an abnormality and we'll dig a little deeper... [Suuuuuuuure! I'll believe it when I see it!]

Sigh... I just don't think I can take any more crap! Besides those few things, there are others and with those things on top of life in general, I just feel so depressed!

I haven't been bringin it... at all. In fact I've been eating a bunch of crap... using all of this as a good excuse. I can't keep doing this... I know that. Back on track tomorrow, for real. Back to eating super duper clean, exercising.

Life happens no matter what. With that said, I'll make it work. Time to get started... AGAIN!

BRING IT!