Could I get you some cheese to go with that whine?

Uuuuggggghhh! Let me warn you now, I'm going to whine the whooooole time!

I had a mini break down tonight. What's new, right? I know! Today I went to a baby shower, expecting to eat a few things I shouldn't, even though I didn't want to and I would regret it later. Well, I was right. I ate what was served for lunch, probably 3 cookies a few bites of cake and 2 small (for real!) cups of Dr. Pepper. Talk about bloated! After eating good for 2 weeks, I had to go and do that! SO, feeling so full, I decided I had better not eat dinner... I didn't really get hungry but that probably wasn't the best choice after weeks and weeks of having SOMETHING at least every 2 hours! I KNOW BETTER! My metabolism is wacked for sure! So when it came time for my workout, boy was I sluggish! I just could not get myself to WANT to do it at all!! I put it in, (tonight was Cardio Power and Resistance) pushed play and did the workout. So why was tonight so different than any other night and why am I complaining? I had to stop so many times to catch my breath, so long at points I completely missed a few of the moves... I wasn't DIGGING at all! Okay, maybe a small little pothole or something, I was really sweaty but I didn't do well at all! I'm so disappointed in myself!

On top of a bad eating day, I'm sooo stressed out! Normal stuff, nothing crazy, just stuff like school, the kids fighting, a messy house (I just CANNOT keep up!!), finances and Sam not being here... I reaaaaaally miss my hubby! :( I honestly don't know if I can take two more weeks of this! I'm exhausted, my mind NEVER stops. I feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders with him not here... like I have to take care of everything!

My head hurts and I can't even see clearly.

Tomorrow we celebrate Mother's Day at my Mom's so I can surely expect a day like today! Sigh...

I need some serious sleep.

Yoo hoo, summer legs?! Come out, come out, wherever you are!!

I've been working my butt off and I think it's safe to say I AM BACK!!! It took a little while to get back in the 'habit' of things but I finally did it! I've been so motivated and it's only natual to me to get my workouts in again... no matter what!! I'm seeing small changes already! I didn't weigh in on Monday so I don't know where I'm at weight wise BUT my jeans (size 2, mind you!) are loose and I'm seeing some definition in my legs again. Oooh how I've missed that!!

Speaking of these legs of mine... even though I've got some muscle peeking through, they still have a long way to go. My thighs are just all kinds of bad! I have GOT to slim them down somehow!! My goal is to be comfortable in short shorts and skirts this summer and NOT be ashamed of my legs. I've gone my whole life suffering in freakin 90 degree weather because of these bad boys... NO MORE!!!!

I found a few short workouts online that I've been using; one of them "Attack of the Saddlebags" by Debbie Siebers, which I love! In just a few days I'm noticing a difference! :)

Annnnywayy!

It's really starting to warm up! It was 80 degrees out today (now THAT is my kinda weather!!) so I took full advantage! I laid P down for his nap, Reagan and Aiden played in their sand box and I got to lay out for about an hour and a half! UGH my most favorite part of summer!!!

Could this be progress?!

Things are looking up! I'm staying super focused and super motivated and it's paying off! I lost 4 pounds last week! :)

I set myself a goal of 115, I was 118 Saturday morning, sooooo 3 pounds to go it seems!

I find myself wondering though, can I keep that goal? Weight loss is a sick, twisted game. My first round at weight loss after P was born, my goal was 125... then it was 115, then 110... and so on and so forth. Can I stay happy and work with my appearance at 115? I need to! I don't want to be sucked in again... I guess that's something that will always be in the back of my mind, though, having been down that road before. Sigh..

anyway! Insanity is going quite well! I still pause and take breaks when I feel my heart is failing but I keep at it! I cry regularly... to be quite honest, I like that a workout can make me cry. I WANT IT! OH, you don't even know how bad!

Tonight I found myself thinking, "Is this really worth it? I'm hungry, just stop and pick up again tomorrow, there's gotta be something 'good' to eat out there somewhere!" BUUUUUUT I didn't!! That's important!!! I took a deep breath and I dug deeper. I don't think I've ever sweat so much in my life! (That's a good thing since I tried a TEEEEEENY TINY piece of birthday cake earlier today and Mom snuck 4 bite size Reeses into my hand before I left tonight... BUT that's besides the point!!)

I just finished my protein shake and it was AMAAAAAZINGG! I'm feeling better... still stinky, but better! :)

Side note: Sam left for work this morning... only this time he will be gone for THREE weeks! I am not a happy girl! :( I miss him so much already! I feel like it's the end of the world or something and I'm never going to see him again! Ugh. Anyway, my point for writing this is, I guess for the next three weeks I am going to really PUSH myself! I want to be unrecognizable when he comes home again!

Ready to do this!

CHANGE

So, I think I'm going to make some changes... I can't stay focused! I'm so impatient! I saw results super fast before and I'm expecting the same this time...

I think I'm going to incorporate some of what I now know off of Michi's Ladder and from Weight Watchers and use it for my diet, sticking to around 1200-1400 calories or 24 points. And as I'm doing Insanity, I'm also going to throw in the Ab Ripper and maybe an upper body workout from P90X.

I went and got a bunch of groceries... all healthy selections so I can get back on track food wise...

I got off track the past two days due to the yardsale this weekend but I'm ready for tomorrow...

I'm thinking to start back with Day 1 with Insanity. Clean slate. I hate to start over but I think I need to... plus I like Mondays as a start day for myself!

Anyway, just jotting down a few thoughts... see you all in the AM! :)

Raising the bar!

"You don't know what your limits are unless you test them -- unless you keep raising the bar."

Today was day 2 of Insanity. I fought with myself all morning until finally I said, "You buy all these workouts, do two or three days, and QUIT! It's 60 days!! Just do it! ALL 60!" So I got out my Plyo Cardio Circuit and I PUSHED PLAY! It's warm up time... already sweat was dripping, my heart was racing, and I began to question myself! "This is hard!" I kept at it. I got into it and a little over half way through Shaun T walks over to one of the women and says, "You've never worn a sports bra before this have you?!" And she screamed with so much emotion "NO!" and she looked so amazing! I broke out into tears, screamed my way through the rest of the workout and I FINISHED! I finished, I finished, I FINISHED!!!!

Why did I cry? Because I can imagine how that woman felt before she was able to put a sports bra on to workout... to feel comfortable enough. I workout at HOME! I put a sports bra on and THEN put a huge t-shirt on top of it.

I cried because I want this so, so badly! I can't live another day feeling miserable because I can't make myself complete a measly 60 day workout! NO MORE! Today was day 2, tomorrow is day 3, the day after is 4, etc, etc... I WILL COMPLETE INSANITY! I'm eating healthy again and I am NOT giving up!

I'm ready to dig... DEEP!!

"The principle is competing against yourself. It's about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before."

Fit Test Results

Okay, Insanity day 1 - Fit test DONE! To be quite honest, it's a workout in itself! Results are as follows: 92 switch kicks, 26 power jacks, 60 high knees, 17 power jumps, 6 globs jumps, 6 suicide jumps, 12 push up jacks and 35 lower plank obliques.

I'm so out of shape, my gosh! I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest!!

Anyway, I just finished my protein, I'm hoping to hit the treadmill and weights later! :)

INSANE starting today!

It's been a while! That means I've been SLACKING!! Between Easter, getting things ready for our yard sale, Aiden turning 4, Reagan turning 5 and just about everything else, I stopped eating healthy and exercising. I just couldn't really get into my P90X. BUT (a good but) I got INSANITY! I watched a few of the dvd's last night and I an PUMPED! I cannot wait! THIS looks so much more like my style of workout! Upbeat and fast pace... I can't wait! I start today! Super super excited and ready to DIG DEEPER!!!